The guide to the perfect selfie. Who said that getting likes on FB was easy.
1) Find a deserted spot where you won’t get caught taking selfies. After all, that is some of the most embarrassing stuff that can happen in a humans life!
2) Make sure all the make up you put on is still there and add some more. After all, you dont want anybody to see that your skin has a black pore! Ai ai ai! Oh noes!
3) Find a good location, prefferably with awkward and random stuff in the background, cause that’ after all what all the other selfies on FB has. Daaah!
4) Put your lovely face (that looks like a mask with all the makeup) in front of your Iphone camera. Make sure your face muscles are are stiff and weird while you put on a big smile and pretend you are having the time of your life.
5)Almost ready to press the photo-button! But, first make sure you stare into the camera with an empty gaze. Because after all the eyes are the windows to the soul! And you do not want everyone on FB to stare into your eyes looking for your shallow soul.
6) You are ready for action! Press the photo-button and make sure you get the really good selfies that show that you are having ‘the time of your life’ alone in a deserted forest. Cause everybody else is having so much fun on FB, and you cannot be any less fun then them.
7) Pick the best selfie and upload it on FB, Insta, Twitter and Google + ASAP! Then either enjoy all the likes, or cry over the abscensce of likes. And if you don’t get any likes, well, then who cares about social media and likes anyway.
Here is my perfect selfie shot. Look and learn kids!
Thanks for stopping by! As mentioned in a earlier blogpost, Lucas (my hubby) and I made a World Cup film for ‘actiecode’ with this lovely ‘voorspel’ ferret on friday.
We had so much fun, but I tell yah, ferrets are tricky moviestars! Ylva just ran away chasing ducks instead, haha. But we made it anyway, and here is the result. Ferrets know stuff! So get your bets on 😉 And if you want to see more from the fuzzybutt el bandido ferret you can check out her Instagram account: Ylvadefret.
Wish you a great day! And enjoy tonights match between Mexico and Netherlands!
May and the fuzzybutt ferret
‘Jiha’, she screamed, while kicking the lazy lizard named Lizzie in the belly. Lizzy, who by the sound of her name obviously was lazy, did not move a muscle. Instead a yellow and green delicious looking flying bug caught her attention. Unfortunately Lizzie did not see much since her eyes where placed on each side of her scull and on top of that she was squinting with both eyes. Therefore Lizzie randomly stuck out her sticky, red tongue, slapping it around in hope of catching the yummy looking fly. MayPaj, who was getting very annoyed by the lazy Lizzie, let out a loud sight before she started yelling again. ‘I said Jihiaaaaaaaaaaaaa’, she yelled irritated, and kicked the lazy lizards belly as fast as she could. But Lizzie just ignored Maypajs attempts to get her to move on, and continued licking randomly in the air, still hoping to catch a snack. And so it went on. First for hours, hours turned to days, days turned to a week, and when all hope was lost, and MayPaj saw death in the eye, Lizzie the lazy lizard finally got the snack she had ben waiting for so patiently. ‘Glomp’, and the yummylishious bug was eaten up. All on one piece. And it kept on buzzing and brumming inside Lizzies big lizzard belly. It tickled so bad that Lizzie got a move on, running as fast as she could towards their final destination, the rainbow. MayPaj enjoyed the gentle breeze and the speed. And she smiled from one ear to the other, because she was certain that Lizzie the lazy Lizard had never ever run this fast before.
George felt sad and lonely, there he sat on the little mountain hill looking at the city he now had left for ever. He thought about what he had lef and therefore lost. He would never again piss on his neighboor lawn every time he came home from work. He would never again kiss his lovely wife, or tuck in his daughter. He was forver alone. A dreamer, with bigger plans for his life than wastin it in a contaminated city with no real people or feelings left. The city was just a shell containing scattered parts of lost and ruined individuals, getting throug the days smoking to many cigrarettes and selling their soul to to earn money for the big companies, bearly getting by themselves after the months salary was paid. George shed a tear, and while staring into the bewitching flames he noticed a moth flapping quickly and eagerly towards the burning fire. He pointed his finger towards it, trying to snap it in the opposite direction, but the moth ignored his gesture and vanished in the flames. George took a sip of his beer, got up and yelled at the silouette of the city. ‘‘You see you f****ng bastards, thats what happens when you reach towards something you never can get. You strive and strive looking for a bright spot, something better than what you have, and when you find it you become unhappy because you realize how awful you’ve had it, and then are you blinded and burned to death with grief’’. After this George sat down and watched the fire again, before he smoked his pipe and fell asleep, lucky at least he had discovered the thruth about life.